Mom Really is a Four Letter Word
by OneHorseShay
Summary: Gigi says she wants fame, but what she really wants is a family. She's getting her dad, but that still leaves a mom. Takes place after Gigi's performance at the Glasslands in 'Lust for Life'.


Hello dear readers. I have a little oneshot for you from the new FX show 'Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll'. It's dedicated to the very lovely and talented actresses Elizabeth 'Gigi' Gillies and Elaine 'Ava' Hendrix and I hope you enjoy.

Mom Really is a Four Letter Word  
By: OneHorseShay  
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue. For God sakes, don't sue.  
Rating: T Language  
Summary: Gigi says she wants fame, but what she really wants is a family. She's getting her dad, but that still leaves a mom. Takes place after Gigi's performance at the Glasslands in 'Lust for Life'.

* * *

Gigi's Apartment  
New York City  
July, 2015

The time was well past midnight as Gigi rested her arms on and looked over the guardrail surrounding the roof of her apartment onto the New York skyline. She had a well-earned self-satisfying smile on her face while she took a sip of her warm tea sweetened with lemon and gazed out on the lights of the city that never slept. There was no view like this in Ohio with the city lighting up the night sky and her words that New York was a wonderful town seemed to have a deeper meaning for her as she looked out on her adopted home.

The others had come back to her apartment after a little bit (actually a lot) of celebration at the Glasslands for a little more celebration until they headed for their own homes. Flash had tried a few of his pickup lines on her and she had flirted in return to rile up her father, but she eventually bid him a good night to a bit of his disappointment. Her father had finally headed downstairs, relieved that Flash had left for the night so he could get some decent sleep.

The only one left to share the sight was Ava sipping from her red wine and relaxing back in one of the chairs. She had smile playing on her lips and lazily gazed out on the city through the gaps in the guardrails, content to just lounge in her seat and sip her wine.

Gigi didn't realize she was saying it as she looked out on the city, but she softly carried the tune that premiered her on the New York music scene, "New York, New York… it's a wonderful town…"

Ava overheard the yearly twenty-something and got up from her seat and took a spot to Gigi's right. She brushed some of her blonde locks away from her face as the wind picked up then took a sip from her wine and grinned, licking off her lips the flavor of her wine. "Yes it is. It's a city of dreams and each one of those lights shows somebody with a dream."

The dark brunette embarrassingly smiled, realizing that Ava had overheard her—that she had been singing at all. A bit of fear slipped into Gigi's quite voice as she commented, "And I'm just another dream…"

It seemed in spite of having a fantastic performance that gave her a standing ovation and blew up her twitter, the nagging voice of her mother that said that this was a mistake to come out here and try for stardom still had a bit of a hold on her.

Ava apparently didn't pick up Gigi's initial lack of confidence in her voice and continued with nearly a face breaking smile and breathy tone that just exuded confidence, "A dream that's going to invade everyone's minds in the next few months. It's going to be Gigi twenty-four/seven."

The younger woman let the doubts be battled back, amazed with Ava's confidence in her future and let a soft grin form on her face.

The backup singer/percussion player continued, "You really were great out there tonight and everyone saw it. I knew you could do it. I'm proud of you."

Gigi turned her head to glance at the blonde that had so easily taken over the role of mother figure to her, "You are?"

Ava let out a soft laugh, thinking the younger girl was making a joke, "Of course. You were fantastic. You took that stage, owning it and you had them eating out of your hand. You were the center of their world while you were performing."

The dark brunette laughed, trying to hide her past doubts, "Joan was right. I just had to remember all the guys wanted to 'F' me and all the girls wanted to be me."

The blonde shook her head and offered, "It wasn't just about that. True, the guys would want that and the girls would love to be you—and had to be a bit jealous of you, but it wasn't just that."

"It wasn't?"

"No, it's your talent. You got it. You got the voice, but you got the heart. You were just a little afraid, but that's okay. We were all afraid the first time and anyone that tells you different is lying."

"I was afraid." She breathed out a soft breath from her nose and half smiled. "Dad told me if I wasn't a little nervous, that's when I should worry."

"He's right you know? He has years of experience in the business, getting up there and performing."

"Yes he does…" Gigi focused her attention back out until the skyline, picking up in the distance the Freedom Tower. She let her thoughts trail for a few moments before asking, "So you were afraid getting on stage? Performing when you first started out?"

Ava smiled as she recalled when she first got up there on stage even if she wasn't the focus of attention. "In the beginning, but after you've done it as long as I have, the fear goes away and it's just that exhilarating feeling you get being at the center of attention and performing. You have to remember sweetie, I've been doing this for longer than you've been alive, so it's not the same for me."

Gigi nodded along, acknowledging the advantage of years of experience in the business and performing. "If it's become that easy for you—you're that confident, did you… did you ever think about taking the lead? Did you ever want to be a lead singer?"

Ava heartedly laughed, a genuinely cheerful expression appearing on her face that was infectious, "No, I was happy to be part of the band. Johnny was the lead, he was always the lead and I was and am happy to be by his side and share in the fame…" She slightly nudged her shoulder against Gigi's right shoulder and gently laughed, "…well, your fame now."

Gigi was struck by how easily Ava accepted and embraced her role. Her father and Flash's struggled to be on top in the band, a struggle that ultimately lead to the initial breakup of the band, while Rehab and Bam Bam clawed to get more recognition, but Ava was happy with her little slice of the pie of fame. It was a bit humbling when she was comparing it to her plans of the world seeing her for her talent and wanting her father to take a background role.

"Really? Just one of the backup singers? You didn't think you could have become a lead singer with a band of your own after they broke up?"

"I was—am—I'm happy to be part of the band and I wasn't going to ditch Johnny for something else. I love him. It's always been him and me…" She laughed when she realized the incompletion of her statement, "Well, him and your mother obviously a few times so you could be here."

Gigi slightly nodded then took a sip from her tea then looked out back onto the New York skyline, not wanting to give it much thought about how much she was an accident—perhaps conceived in a wild, drug fueled night where Ava could have conceivably been a part of it since her father was living with all three of his backup singers at the time.

The pair slipped back into silence, sipping on their respective drinks and letting the city hold their attention. Gigi wasn't sure what was on Ava's mind, but she knew that she was feeling better than after she performed at the Glassland knowing that Ava was genuinely proud of, happy for and supported her. There was a slight bitter aftertaste that her mother didn't feel the same way, but she wasn't going to dwell on that.

It wasn't long before Ava took another sip from her wine then asked, "Can I ask you a question?"

The inspiring singer nodded, genuinely closed lip smiled, then answered, "Sure."

Ava's easygoing expression eased to a more serious, contemplative expression as she asked, "I've been thinking on the conversation you had with your dad earlier since you two've been kind of tense while he was finishing the song, you know, the conversation about starting a new life, no matter what happened with the band and being famous and all that, it would be the three of us. Did you really mean it? That it would be the three of us? You wanted to include me?"

Gigi paused, not expecting or ready for the question.

Ava patiently waited for the answer, but each second ticking past made it look as if Gigi was digging herself in a hole without answering.

The young singer was able to pull her thoughts together to actually express them and answered in a stuttering manner, "Yes, yeah… of… of course I did. It's going to be the three of us. You've been with my dad forever and—"

Ava interrupted her with a loud and disappointed sigh, "Ah, so it's because I've been with your dad and since I'm in the picture, you have to accept me. It's a package deal with unnecessary extra." She found momentary refuge in her wine and took practically a gulp from the goblet.

Gigi saw a glimmer in the corner of hurt in Ava's expressive eyes and in the moment, it stung at her own heart that she could make Ava feel like she was something that she had to be put up with. She hastily tried to correct Ava's thinking, "No, I mean… you love my dad. You've loved him all this time, no matter what and it's a solid relationship that's not going anywhere, so when I included you in making sure my dad knew where I was coming from, I thought it was my chance to…"

The dark brunette trailed off, a moment of panic in being entirely truthful. She didn't want to be shown being afraid or freaking out; she had shown far too much of that earlier in the evening.

Ava didn't want to spook the girl, but she gave her a soft nudge to see if she could complete her thought, "Your chance to do what?"

Gigi looked back out onto the city, cradling her mug of tea, before she continued in a wistful and heart tugging tone, "My chance to…" She swallowed down some of her nervousness then continued, "I asked my dad if he loved me just as he was coming up with the melody for 'New York' and he hesitated in answering me. When he was finally able to spit it out, he said that he loved because I was his daughter and I felt stupid… that it sounded like he just loved me out of obligation for being his daughter while I… I've loved him my entire life."

She looked to Ava and softly laughed, but one without any humor, "He asked me if I loved him and I told him that I had spent my whole life loving him with the music and the videos and posters of him, but he told me it wasn't the same. I was in love with the idea of him and coming to New York to be a rock star. I thought it was just him believing that I would hate him the more I got to know him because he thinks he's such a fuck up and everyone hates him and will stop loving him, but I asked him why I should hate him. I told him you love him, you saw the best in him, so why couldn't I do the same?"

"You should do the same. Johnny's not perfect…" Ava laughed, knowing how true her words were, "Not by a long shot, but… deep down there is something to love there and he was right about the part of loving the idea of him."

"No he's not. I—"

Ava softly placed a hand on Gigi's right forearm and gently interrupted her, "Yes he is. Growing up, you didn't love him for him—plenty of people fall for the image of people they've never met—and what you told him the first time you met him, Cat didn't give you a very flattering picture of him, but you want to. You want to truly love him. I know he wants to do that for you too after getting over the initial shock of finding out about you and of course that bit of narcissism in hoping you could re-launch his career, but you just have to give him the chance… and with that song tonight that he wrote for you—one that came from his heart and not out of whatever state he gets into with weed and alcohol—he's used that chance and showed you that it's not just out of obligation."

Gigi kept her eyes locked with the blonde for a few second, trying to gauge if she was telling the truth. She desperately wanted to believe Ava, not only by her assessment of her father, but because she didn't want to doubt her. She finally had to glance away and look down at her mug of tea.

Ava let the silence fall between them, letting Gigi get lost in her thoughts for a few moments before delicately pointing out, "You kind of went off on a tangent on me. What's the chance you wanted?"

Gigi softly laughed in embarrassment, covering her mouth with a hand as she realized that she had rambled and really hadn't gotten to her point. She dropped her hand to help cup the underside of her mug then answered, "I didn't mean to. I was trying to explain what I meant by a chance… my chance to have a family. As screwed as my dad is or thinks he is, I do love him and he's here and because you're here and you could love him and standby him like that through all the shit and failures then… maybe you would stick around for me too and love me like that. You could support my dreams and what I wanted when my mom… when she told me all my life not to do it and forget about it and refused to help me in any way. That's why I told him that it had to be the three of us… so _we_ could all be a family."

Ava looked at Gigi stunned, unable to speak for several seconds.

Gigi misunderstood Ava's hesitation and glanced to the guardrail, her pale cheeks threatening to flush and feeling the first bits of stinging sensation of tears around her eyes. She slightly shook her head and focusing back on her tea and started rambling, "I'm sorry. I'm the one being stupid trying to expect you to do that. Just because you're with my dad doesn't mean you have to be anymore than a member of the band. Heck, I'm just the interloper that dropped into your lives. You probably wanted to have your own children with dad, not have to settle for another woman's child being in the pict—"

The blonde cut her off with a forceful, but caring voice, "That's what I really want."

The dark brunette stopped her rambling and snapped her head to meet Ava's eyes. She uttered barely above a whisper, "What?"

"I've wanted to have that with Johnny. Yeah, I wanted the fame and the recognition we'd have, but what I wanted and what I knew he wanted to was a family, but… we just never got it together to have a family for any number of dumbass excuses, but you're here to give us that chance… the family part being the real important part.

"You really could see me that way? You could see me as your daughter… love me like your daughter?"

"I could love you because you're Johnny's daughter…" Her smile brightened as she continued, "…I could love you for that reason alone because you're a part of him, but… as selfish as I sound against Cat, though you agree with me on that point, you could have been _our_ daughter and I do want to love you like that. You're our chance for the family that I always wanted to have with Johnny and I'd like to love you as my own."

The pair shared a stare, unsure where the next step in the conversation would go with confessing what they both wanted out of their 'arrangement'. Each thought it was too good to be true that each wanted to give the other what they wanted.

Gigi turned, setting her drink on the small table between the yard chairs, then turned back to Ava. She slipped under Ava's left arm and held her into a sideways hug. She rested her crown of her head on Ava's cheek and just held onto her. She softly uttered, "You really are a cool surrogate mom."

Ava returned the hug, a ghost of a smile playing on her lips then pressed them on the girl's forehead before replying, "You're a pretty cool surrogate daughter."

The blonde reassuringly rubbed her hand up and down Gigi's arm while she kept her focus out on the horizon, finding content in the fact that they really were on the same page about what they wanted in life. Now Ava just had to do was to make sure those assholes knew that it really was Gigi's time and that they—especially Johnny—better not fuck up the former Ohioan's plans for fame and _their_ chance for a real family.

* * *

Author's Note: Thank you for reading this little piece. I hope you've enjoyed and remember to watch the show Thursdays at 10 PM on FX, OneHorseShay.


End file.
